


What is love, either way?

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Aggressively Arospec Week, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 21:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15033878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Nyssa and Tegan have been dating a while now. And they are happy, but as time pass Nyssa finds there are some things she need to discuss with Tegan.Written for Aggressively Arosoec Week 2018





	What is love, either way?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a fanfic treating my headcanon about Nyssa being Quoiromantic, an aro-spectrum label that meams you do not know whether or not you experince romantic attraction.
> 
> I wrote it for Aggressively Arospec Week 2018 because I, a Quoiromantic, believe the label deserve more exposure as does the entire aromantic spectrum.

"Nyssa is something wrong?" Tegan asked worriedly, glancing over at her girlfriend, who was lying on the other side of the bed and starring holes in the ceiling.   
  
"What's it like to be in a relationship with someone you love?" Nyssa asked abruptly, completely ignoring the fact that Tegan asked a question first. Her face was neutral and her posture relaxed, but Tegan could tell a storm was brewing in her brain.   
  
"Well, I'd hoped you knew the answer to that..." Slowly, Tegan crawled across the bed, stretching out a hand to touch Nyssa's arm. "Considering that you and I are in one." Settling down by Nyssa's arm, Tegan began to rub her girlfriend's limb.   
  
"What is love?" Nyssa continued, once more ignoring Tegan's words. This time, however, she lowered her gaze, looking directly at Tegan. "What does it feel like to be in love?"    
  
Tegan could feel her face falling. The words didn't seem to process and she wasn't sure if she'd heard right, helplessly stammering as she tried to find a reply. "I...I thought y...you. I  thought you loved me." Her face became hard, and she took on a strictly neutral expression, trying to control her feelings despite herself.   
  
Nyss shrugged, not breaking eye contact with Tegan as she responded. "I suppose I do, don't I?" She said, and Tegan almost felt like throwing up, the thought of her girlfriend so casually telling her she did not love her making her sick. "You make me feel good, inside. Warm. And safe. And it’s really nice, like I want to be close to you all the time so I can feel that. Is that love?"    
  
"You can't ask someone else to tell you if you're in love...but I do feel that way, too." Carefully, Tegan reached out to touch Nyssa again, taking her hand in hers as she offered it.   
  
"My mum always say that you just know when you're in love, but I don't. I never have 'simply known' and so I don't know." Nyssa sigh. Slowly, she turned to look at her girlfriend. "I want to be with you Tegan, and I want to touch you. Everything we do feels nice and good and I like it. But I don't know if I'd do that or feel that with a friend, or if that is what love is, so I can not call it love." A pink colour started creeping up Nyssa's cheeks, and she looked away abruptly. "Is...is that fine?"   
  
The explanation was so simple. Clean cut, simplistic and covering. So very, very Nyssa in every way possible. "Yes, yes, yes it is. It is okay!" Tegan laughed, relieved. "God, Nyssa, I thought you were breaking up with me!"   
  
Nyssa frowned. "Why would I break up with you?"   
  
"Well Because...because you said you didn't love me. And if you don't love someone, you don't date them." Tegan offered hesitantly.   
  
"So, does that mean that you don't think The Doctor loves Turlough, because he is aromantic?" Nyssa replied, suddenly turning head away from Tegan again. She had expected this, but it was hard to look Tegan in the eyes nonetheless.    
  
Tegan sigh. Aromanticism was something the Doctor told her about, a completely new concept she hadn't learned to grip just yet. "No. They're just...they're just them. But most persons aren't like them."   
  
"And what if I'm like him? What if we're like them?" Nyssa replied sharply. "I'm not sure I feel...love, Tegan. I may not too. I'm scared" letting out a pitiful little sob, Nyssa tried to sweep away a few tears suddenly rising in her eyes.   
  
"Nyssa I...I..." Tegan didn't know what to say. She wasn't a liar, she wouldn't lie to Nyssa, but the thought of losing her was too much to bear. "I love you. All I want is to have you. To...to keep whatever it is we have going now. I can't say I really get all this, that you feel, but I'm still here. I'm not running away just because I'm confused." Trying not to start crying, Tegan grabbed Nyssa's hand, blissful when she didn't pull away.   
  
"I don't want it to end with you Tegan" Nyssa sobbed. "But I don't want to lie. I can't lie. I don't...I don't know how to explain!" She exclaimed desperately, suddenly throwing herself at Tegan as if wanting to pin her down and physically stop her from moving.   
  
Surprised and confused, Tegan grabbed onto Nyssa and pulled her close. Uptil now, she had not realized how deeply upset her girlfriend was. “hey, schh. It’s fine, Nyssa. You don’t need to be upset.” Placing a kiss on Nyssa’s forehead Tegan dragged her hand through Nyssa’s hair, letting her fingers work through the soft curls. Slowly, Tegan set herself in motion, rocking back and forth slowly as she held the other woman. 

 

“We might be breaking up, Tegan. That is something to be upset about.” Nyssa mumbled. Though Tegan’s gentle caress had help her calm down, it still felt as though someone was holding her heart in the palm of their hand, squeezing it as hard as they could. She didn’t want to lose Tegan, but she couldn’t lie.

 

Hearing what she said, Tegan froze. How was she supposed to answer that? Right now, she had a choice to make, but Tegan didn’t know how to make it. How did you live the rest of your life, or however long they had, with someone you didn’t love? 

 

“I knew it!” Apparently having waited for an answer long enough, Nyssa pulled away, rolling over to the other side of the bed. “Just because I can’t say that I love you like you love me, you don’t want me anymore.” Nyssa starred up at the ceiling, angry with herself for not being able to lie.  For having to rock the boat when the sea is perfectly calm.

 

From across the bed, Tegan watched Nyssa. Moments ago, she was the one who’d been scared that they would break up. Now the roles were reversed. Closing her eyes, she thought of everything she loved about her partner. She thought of the silky texture of Nyssa’s hair, of her perfectly shaped lips and big blue eyes. The powerful, assertive voice and her ridiculous Trakenite clothing.

 

Was Tegan willing to lose that, just because Nyssa might not feel the kind of love that she did?

 

“I don’t want to break up with you.” Slowly opening her eyes again, Tegan found herself staring straight into Nyssa’s blue orbs. “This is weird for me. Like, super weird, but I don’t want to break up with you. I love you, Nyssa, and even...even if you don’t really feel that way, I still want us to be a couple.”

 

“I want that too. I want it to be like I never said anything.” Nyssa admitted quietly. “But I also want you understand what I’ve said. It’s important to me, Tegan.” Nyssa smiled, praying Tegan would understand her this time.

 

“Good. Then we agree.” Tegan smiled. “Now come here you!” Smiling, she reached out to pull Nyssa closer, dragging her across the bed until she was lying next to her, laughing at her girlfriends actions.

 

“I like you Tegan” Nyssa said, burrowing her head against Tegan’s shoulder.

 

“And I love you” Tegan replied, kissing Nyssa softly on the head as she let her drift of to sleep against her shoulder.

 

Laying there and cuddling together, everything felt the way it always had. And yet, it was quite different from when the day begun. Tegan smiled. That was the point, wasn't it?

 

Different, and yet still the same.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos & comments are lovley if you liked it!


End file.
